How do I ‘fix’ my child?
This is a question that I hear from parents who are struggling and wish that their children could be different. It often comes from a place of worry and concern for their future, worrying what the world sees, what the community think of their child and what they think of them as parents. When hearing these few words, as a therapist, we know we need to connect and care for this family.
The short answer is that your child does not need to be ‘fixed’, they are not broken and nor are you. Your child might be struggling and need support, or you might be struggling and need support. But the goal of therapy is not ‘to fix’ or change a child. Instead, it’s to support a child to be their most authentic self and provide them with tools to work through the challenges of everyday life.
All children behave differently.
Often when we think something is ‘wrong’, it’s because we are seeing a behaviour in our child that we believe is not appropriate, or we worry about what it might mean. Whilst some behaviours can indicate that there may be something else at play, behaviours do not suggest that the child ‘needs to be fixed.’
Based on the child’s neurobiology, past experiences and needs, each child responds to stimulus in the environment differently. Children are not all going to behave in the same way, and they are most likely not going to behave how current society tells us that they ‘should’ behave. These expectations are often unrealistic and don’t consider the whole child and their needs (but that’s a discussion for another blog!).
So give yourself a break.
Take a breath. Your child does not need to be ‘fixed.’ You are doing the best you can for your child, and nothing is ‘broken.’ They are likely trying to meet a need by showing you this behaviour. What do you think could be behind it?
If you feel that there could be something else going on, or your child is really struggling, they might need some extra tools and support. You may like to chat to your GP or reach out to us for a 10-minute consultation. We won’t aim to ‘fix’ your child, but we will work with you to understand what’s happening for them so that we can better support them, and you. Contact us here.
References
Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Constable & Robinson.
