What are sexualised behaviours?
Sexualised behaviours, or more importantly Harmful Sexualised Behaviours (HSB), are actions that are abnormal for a child’s age and stage of development, and also hurting others. Some of these behaviours can look like:
- Lack of personal boundaries
- Touching other children inappropriately
- Sexualised language
- Advanced sexual knowledge
Harmful sexualised behaviour is a continuum from mild to high risk, depending on the impacts on others and the severity of the behaviour.
What is normal?
Depending on the age and stage of development, it is quite normal for children to explore their bodies and be curious about the bodies of others. An example of this is at around the age of two, it’s not uncommon to see a child running around naked and being curious about genitals. Normal behaviours of children to see are:
- Exploring their bodies and genitals
- Being curious about other peoples bodies e.g. asking questions about the body
- Being naked and lacking modesty (age 2-3)
- Being curious about relationships (boyfriend and girlfriends)
So how can I tell if it is normal or not?
Trust your gut!! As a parent usually you can tell if something doesn’t feel right. If you see your child doing something and it feels a little suspect, be open and honest about asking them. By listening to their why (if they know) we can start to understand who they are as children. Never underestimate your gut instinct and the power of an empathetic conversation.
If you are unsure and the behaviours concern you, speak to other people that see your child. Does your child do this behaviour at home, childcare or school? How often? What does it look like? If you are not sure about appropriate for their age, you can always ask a professional like a play therapist or a paediatrician.
Does this make my child ‘bad’ if they display harmful sexualised behaviour?
The short answer is no. Children grow and develop differently, and what we know is that children generally display these behaviours for a reason. The research suggests that children display these behaviours due to experiencing a form of trauma that has disrupted their normal wave of development, and they have experienced something they don’t understand.
Labelling the child or yelling at them does not support the child to understand why the behaviour is not okay. But the most important thing to remember, that above all else, they are children. Children need guidance and support to understand safe relationships and boundaries and as safe adults, it is our duty to do the best we can to help them.
What can we do?
There are several different things we can do to prevent harmful sexualised behaviour. These are:
- Have open and age-appropriate conversations about the body and sexual relationship. If we are willing to teach children, they won’t go looking to find the information themselves when they get curious
- Set clear boundaries. As children start to get older, remind them that it is okay to explore their bodies, but by themselves in their room and not in public
- Reduce exposure to sexualised content – this is hard because a lot of social media and shows are heavily sexualised, but a reduction in this supports healthy sexual development
- Seek help from your local play therapist and professionals – if unsure, always ask. There is no harm in asking about something you’re not sure of. There is no manual to parenting, and it takes a community to raise a child.
References
- Hackett, S. (2001). Facing the future. Russell House.
- Ray, D. (2016). A therapist’s guide to child development. Routledge.
