I would like to pose a question to the parents reading this – “Do you strive to be the perfect parent?”
Some parents are perfectionists in every aspect of their lives. They excel at everything they do—if there was even any chance of “failure”, they wouldn’t bother trying. They make big sacrifices to meet their goal, and to turn their dreams into reality.
And generally speaking, these individuals are successful people. Yet somehow, they never feel quite good enough.
Some of us also feel that we must be the “perfect parent”. We fear “messing up” our kids. We may have big goals and dreams for our children and fear that if we fail at getting our children into the best school or study program, then we have failed as a parent. Whilst logically, this is not true, no one is immune from the urge to be the greatest parent possible.
Parents aren’t the only ones that suffer from perfectionist parenting.
Parents with this mindset can have a big impact on their children. Unfortunately, many “perfect parents” tend to expect their child to be perfect too.
Perfectionistic parenting may foster the belief that a child is a failure if they do not meet the highest standards. Excessive pressure on children to be perfect conveys a detrimental message. A child that resorts to cheating in the pursuit of academic excellence, may have surmised that success and “winning at all costs” should be prioritised over honesty.
All children must be able to make mistakes without fear of repercussions. Perfectionism does not assist children in improving their performance. In fact, it frequently degrades their performance.
Perfectionism may also be passed down to children.
Children who believe they must be “perfect” are more likely to develop mental health issues including sadness, anxiety, and eating disorders. They also become skilled at masking their symptoms and so their mental health issues go untreated all too often.
It’s not easy to let go of perfectionism, but doing so will be beneficial to your mental health. Cut yourself —and your child—some slack, and focus on building a strong relationship with your child to set them up for future success.
If you would like support in working to overcome perfectionism or perfectionist tendencies in your parenting, we can help.
