When we first arrive in this world, we arrive in shock, facing change and present with extreme vulnerability – completely dependent and unable to fend for, or take care of ourselves against the big new world.
When we are learning to walk, and continue to fall, scrape, and bump ourselves, we are vulnerable, and may look to another to pick us up, and help us move forward.
When we stand in front of the classroom for the first time to present our hard work or make a public speech, we are again vulnerable, and perhaps look to the crowd to find someone giving encouragement, even just a little bit.
When we get hurt, when we feel heartbreak, experience loss of a loved one, when we fail at something we’d tried to so hard to reach, or when we lose our homes, and everything we’ve worked for in the face of natural disaster – vulnerability takes over, time and time again.
But there are commonalities in all the challenges, hurdles and battles we face. This commonality is our capacity to recover, otherwise known as resilience.
What do you think of when you consider resilience in children?
Perhaps one who persists even though the puzzle is hard, or one who runs on through the race even though they’re coming last. Perhaps it’s the child who finds someone else to play with when their best friend doesn’t like their game, or the one who has positive self-talk, can regulate their emotions in the face of stress, or simply enjoys the challenge of a new task or skill to be learnt.
Whilst all individuals are born with equal capacity to access and build on their resiliency and coping strategies, Cozolino (2014) recognises “that the way important adults treat children has been selected by evolution to shape their capacity to adapt and learn” (p.56). Experiencing positive attachment not only supports a child on their path to reach their full potential, but also meets their inner need for safety, security, and stability (Bombèr, 2007). These significant adults – parents’ and carers’- hold the power to teach children about their value and purpose through their actions and emotional attitude towards their children.
Winnicott (1964), and later Bowlby (1969 1988) the ‘father’ of attachment theory, have shared the concept of ‘good enough’ parenting. This theory describes that by meeting the child’s needs for food, shelter, warmth, and protection – adequately and more than adequately, majority of the time – such consistent care-giving of this nature enables the child to develop a ‘secure attachment’.
The securely attached child, has trust in their world around them – trust that others will support them and meet their needs, but they also trust and believe that they themselves are loveable, and worthy of connection. They can explore their world with increasing curiosity, can separate from their primary caregiver, and learn beyond this relationship. They have the capacity ‘to transfer these learned patterns’ of safety, security and connection, to other ‘relationships and experiences they encounter in the wider world’ (Bombèr, 2007, p.20).
Securely attached babies and children have demonstrated to perform and manage better in not only their resilience in the face of adversity, but also in relation to their self-esteem, independence and autonomy, relationships, empathy and compassion, ability to manage impulses and feelings, and pro-social coping skills among many other outcomes (Levy, 1998).
So how do we foster resilience across development? We focus on secure attachment
Despite equal access to build resilience at birth – every child will experience a different upbringing. Often outside of the positive intention of the parent or caregiver, things may go wrong. A child may not develop a secure attachment for a whole range of factors. These may include pre-birth stress, parental illness, medical complications, home instability, domestic violence, physical and/or emotional abuse, poverty, neglect or abandonment – to name a few, but this list is in no way exhaustive. Children who face adversity of some manner, can struggle to develop skills and strategies to effectively cope, and are left extremely vulnerable.
The good news is that the human brain takes decades to mature – yes, making them the most dependent on others, but also most flexible among all the animals on earth (Cozolino, 2014). This flexibility plays a large part in what enables play therapists, and other significant people within and across a child’s life (e.g. carers, parents and teachers), to have the many opportunities to foster small, yet significant moments of building the child’s inner strength and inner-confidence towards resiliency. To support them to continue despite challenge, set-backs and let downs. To continue to explore their world, to build and re-build, to overcome loss, and to cope in the face of change and disruption to their world. It is within positive, nurturing, and secure relationships in which a child – an individual – can feel safe, have access to learn how to cope and build their own resilience.
References
- Bombèr, L. M. (2007). Inside I’m hurting: practical strategies for supporting children with attachment difficulties in schools. Worth Publishing Ltd.
- Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: volume I: attachment. In Attachment and Loss: Volume I: Attachment (pp. 1-401). London: The Hogarth Press and the Institute of Psycho-Analysis
- Bowlby, J (1988). A Secure Base: Clinical Applications of Attachment Theory. London: Routledge.
- Cozolino, L. (2014). Attachment-Based Teaching: Creating a Tribal Classroom (The Norton Series on the Social Neuroscience of Education). WW Norton & Company.
- Lahad, M., & Leykin, D. (2015). The Integrative Model Of Resiliency: The” BASIC Ph” Model, Or What Do We Know About Survival?. Resiliency: Enhancing coping with crisis and terrorism, 119, 71-91.
- Levy, T., & Orlans, M.(1998). Attachment, Trauma and Healing. Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of America Press.
- Winnicott, D. W. (1964). The child, the family, and the outside world. London: Penguin UK.
